Sue Scheff: Grandparents Raising Kids Today

Source: Connect with Kids

“Many times this decision is not made totally voluntarily. The grandparents take it on because they love and care for the child.”

– Nick Hume, Ph.D., Psychologist

The government reports that nearly 2.5 million grandparents in the U.S. are soley responsible for the care of their grandchildren. And being a parent the second time around can be rewarding and full of challenges.

Jean Rhodes is no longer just grandma. For the past five years she has become “mommy” once again.

Rhodes began raising her son’s daughter, Anasha, at age two after the little girl’s mom died and dad couldn’t care for her.

“I knew she depended on me…needed me, ” Rhodes says.

Six months ago another granddaughter needed her too…6-year-old Sasha. Giving up her freedom and independence was difficult at first for Rhodes, and she admits she was a bit resentful in the beginning.

“It was like, why me? Why do I have to do this again?” Rhodes says. “But that passed.”

Today, more than two million grandparents are now raising their grandkids. That number has been rising for nearly two decades.

And experts say that shifting of roles from grandparent to parent, from grandchild to child, can create a mix of emotions.

“There’s going to be natural hurt, anger, resentment, resistance and rebellion,” says Dr. Nick Hume, a psychologist.

There are also sacrifices, both emotional and financial.

“I didn’t have a lot of money to do a lot of things, but I tried to give Anasha love,” Rhodes says.

Experts say it’s important for grandparents to get support. “Find other people where you can share and talk; people who may be further along than you or in the same situation who will give you permission to say what you’re feeling is normal and okay,” says Dr. Hume.

Rhodes has found comfort in a grandparents’ support group, and in her role as mother…. the second time around.

“I wouldn’t hesitate,” she says, “to do this again.”

Tips for Parents
In any multigenerational family, grandparents are an important resource. But for increasing numbers of children, grandparents are their only resource. According to recently released US Census figures, 5.6 million grandparents live with their grandchildren. Of these grandparents, 42% (2.35 million) are responsible for the care of the children. The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) provides the following breakdown of the figures:

■The number of grandparent-headed households has increased 76% since 1970, and 19% since 1990.
■Six percent of all U.S. children under age 18 are growing up in grandparent-headed households.
■One-point-three million of these grandparents are married couples, 1.1 million are single grandmothers, and 157,000 are grandfathers.
■The majority of grandparents are between ages 55 and 64. Almost one-quarter are over 65.
■While grandparent-headed families cross all socio-economic levels, these grandparents are more likely to live in poverty than other grandparents.
■There are eight times more children in grandparent-headed homes than in the foster care system.
Though motivated by love for their grandchildren, taking on the job of parenting can provide frustrating challenges to grandparents. Many grandparents are preparing to slow down. The transition to full-time parenting can cause feelings of resentment, anger, loss and grief. In addition to the emotional adjustment, grandparents face legal and financial challenges.

Often times, grandparents step in to fill the parenting role without gaining legal guardianship of the child. Obtaining custody and legal guardianship can involve a lengthy and costly court battle. In some states, grandparents who do not have legal guardianship cannot enroll a child in school, have access to school records or secure medical care.

The AARP provides this list of additional challenges facing grandparents who are raising grandchildren:

■Making financial decisions that may involve a grandparent’s employment or applying for benefits like Medicaid or Social Security.
■Choosing appropriate childcare, including daycare, after-school programs, and respite care.
■Providing adequate medical care, including getting insurance coverage through private insurance or public programs.
■Educating their grandchildren.
■Providing emotional support to their grandchildren and finding support for themselves.
The American Academy of Children and Adolescent Psychiatry says it is very important for grandparents to receive support and assistance. Seeking out other family members, clergy, support groups and social agencies can be helpful.

References
■American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
■American Association of Retired Persons
■United States Census Bureau

Sue Scheff: Teen Eating Disorders

Especially young girls today, the peer pressure can encourage your young teen/tween that being “thin” is in. Teen body image can lead to other concerns, whether your child is suffering with some depression, not being able to fit in at school, or just plain feeling fat and ugly – we need to talk to them and explain about Teens and Eating Disorders, including anorexic. Teen Obesity is another issue parents need to learn more about.

Source: Connect with Kids

“I think that it definitely had something to do with my mom and my sister talking about different diets, and at that age …you don’t understand everything that they are discussing and the way that they’re discussing it, and in my head I blew it up as something bigger.”
– Shay Fuell, recovering anorexic

About 2.5 million Americans suffer from anorexia. Shay Fuell was only nine years old when the fixation began.

“(I) was starting to have body-image issues and looking in the mirror sideways and just pinching my skin seeing if there was fat there,” she says.

A few years later, she was 5-feet-2 and weighed 78 pounds.

“Literally, it becomes [a part of] every thought … in your head,” she says. “You can’t think about anything else. You can’t concentrate on anything. You can’t even hold a conversation with somebody because you are thinking about the last meal that you ate or what you should be doing to work out or how you’re going to be able to throw up without anybody knowing.”

According to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, the number of girls under the age of 12 hospitalized for eating disorders has more than doubled since 1999.

“I don’t know if they’re actually developing them younger or if it’s that parents are having a greater awareness of what’s going on with their children,” says Brigette Bellott, Ph.D., a psychologist and eating disorder specialist.

What’s going on, typically, is depression, children obsessed with eating or overly anxious about their weight and their appearance.

“Things to watch,” says Bellott, “what do they believe about their own body? I mean I would ask that: “What do you think about your body, how do you feel about it?”

Experts say it’s crucial for parents to catch the first signs of an eating disorder because the fatality rate for anorexic women is 10 to 15 percent.

“Some of them [die] through malnourishment, some through suicide,” says Mary Weber-Young, L.P.C. “It is the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness.”

Shay wasn’t diagnosed until she was 14. It took five difficult years of treatment before she had fully recovered.

“It was an addiction,” she admits. “It was an obsession.”

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) describes an eating disorder as “an obsession with food and weight.” The two main eating disorders are anorexia nervosa (an obsession with being thin) and bulimia (eating a lot of food at once and then throwing up or using laxatives; also known as ‘binging and purging’). Who has eating disorders?

According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:

Eight million or more people in the US have an eating disorder.
Ninety percent are women
Victims may be rich or poor
Eating disorders usually start in the teens
Eighty-six percent of victims report onset by age 20
Eating disorders may begin as early as age 8
Seventy-seven percent report duration of one to 15 years
Six percent of serious cases end in death

It’s not always easy for parents to determine if their daughter or son is suffering from an eating disorder. But the AAFP does list the following warning signs for anorexia and bulimia:

Unnatural concern about body weight (even if the person is not overweight)

Obsession with calories, fat grams and food

Use of any medicines to keep from gaining weight (diet pills, laxatives, water pills)

The more serious warning signs can be more difficult to notice because people with eating disorders often try to hide the symptoms:

Throwing up after meals
Refusing to eat or lying about how much was eaten
Fainting
Over-exercising
Not having periods
Increased anxiety about weight
Calluses or scars on the knuckle (from forced throwing up)
Denying that there is anything wrong

If left untreated, people with eating disorders can suffer some health problems, including disorders of the stomach, heart and kidneys; irregular periods or no periods at all; fine hair all over the body, including the face; dry scaly skin; dental problems (from throwing up stomach acid); dehydration.

Eating disorders can be treated. The first step is getting back to a normal weight, or at least to the lower limits of the normal weight range, according to Dr. Rex Forehand, a psychologist at the Institute for behavioral Research at the University of Georgia. But more needs to be done, Dr. Forehand says. “Attitudes and beliefs about body weight and eating patterns must also be changed. A comprehensive intervention may be necessary.”

Treatment may require hospitalization. The physician may recommend a dietician. For both anorexics and bulimics, family and individual counseling may be helpful.

References
Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality
American Academy of Family Physicians
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders

Sue Scheff: Parenting Tips

Congratulations to Sue Blaney, Author and now is listed as a Top Ten Mommy Blogger! Take the time to visit her website and Blog at http://www.pleasestoptherollercoaster.com/blog/.

Here is her Parenting Tip#60:

My tip this week is Set goals for your summer >>Listen

I hope come September you’ll be able to look back and say “What a great summer we had!” Now, think about what will have to happen for you to be able to make a statement like that.
Setting goals for your summer can provide really valuable direction for you…and for your teenagers. There are several approaches to setting goals; let’s consider two approaches. You may find one of these more relevant than the other for you at this time…or you may want to use both, as I do. More on Set Goals for Your Summer – 2 Minute Tip #60

Sue Scheff: National Teen Acne Awareness Month

As a Parent Advocate, I am often asked to share information, Press Releases etc. to help promote wellness and concerns with today’s teens. June is National Acne Awarness Month - take the time to learn more and how teenage acne can scar more then a child psychically. Self-image is a big part of being a teenager - as a parent, we need to educate ourselves to help our kids

National Acne Awareness Month

According to a recent survey, more than half of teens (59%) said that they would be willing to stay off Facebook for a year if they could get rid of their acne forever! What’s more – 13% would actually pick one of their parents as a prom date to be zit-free for the rest of their lives! June marks the first-ever National Acne Awareness Month – the perfect time to help teens take control of their acne. There are so many myths surrounding acne - that people with acne don’t wash their faces and/or eat poorly. But the truth is, even the cleanest and healthiest of us can be prone to getting acne! In fact, acne is a medical condition that can be treated, and has little to do with diet or cleanliness habits.

The AARS, with support from Galderma Laboratories, has developed a special announcement to educate teens on how to take control of their acne: to inform everyone on ways to take action when acne takes a hold of their lives: http://www.westglen.com/online/17612.html Want more?

Visit the brand new Web site, http://www.acnesociety.org/, designed to help you get educated on ways to treat and prevent acne. Help to spread the word about National Acne Awareness Month. The best defense is a well-informed offense!

Sue Scheff: Internet Safety

The importance of family internet safety education and etiquette is often overlooked by both kids and teenagers today.While most teens are more ahead of the curve than most parents when it comes to the internet, they may not have the knowledge to help keep them safe from online dangers and its potentially negative effects. On behalf of Girl Scouts of the USA and Microsoft Windows, I have been asked to to introduce you to a new initiative called “LMK (text-speak for “Let Me Know,”) which provides parents and girls with resources catering to both generations, and whose goal is to bridge the digital gap between parents and teenagers.

On http://lmk.girlscouts.org/, the girl-targeted website, teens can find interactive quizzes, videos, and expert articles to be informed about online safety in a fun way! Girls can comment on the site content, sharing their thoughts, experiences and perspectives on topics many teens face everyday, like cyberbullying and social networking. New content is posted periodically and will cover twelve different areas related to being a teen online today. Teens can even download an interactive patch they can share on social networking sites like Facebook, just by registering for the site at no cost.

Best of all, it’s for all teenagers, not just Girl Scouts! When parents visit http://letmeknow.girlscouts.org/, they can sign up for the e-newsletter written and developed by a team of “LMK Teen Editors” who are sharing their knowledge about the ways teens use technology and help parents understand it all. Parents will have the chance to learn need-to-know skills to keep them up to speed with what their kids are doing online too. Expert advice is also offered to give guidance on tougher issues.

If you could, please take a moment to visit these sites, learn more about the initiative, and the wonderful resources found on both http://lmk.girlscouts.org/ , and http://letmeknow.girlscouts.org/ and hopefully this will help you help your teens!

Teen Obesity

IU2U.org - It’s Up to You….

What a great informational website on child obesity, eating healthy, and learning about how to make healthy changes in your family’s diet.

Live a Healthy Lifestyle by Dr. Oz Mehmet offers great advice on this fantastic website as well as other experts and professionals.

KNOW THE FACTS - Today teens are eating more and participating less in physical activity than the healthy amounts experts recommend.

What are kids eating - Kids’ Food has Excessive Sugar, Fat and Salt - learn more details here: http://iu2u.org/kids_food_trends.php

Effects of Obesity - It’s not just a “weight problem.” Learn the many ways becoming obese at a young age can affect a child now and in the future. Click on the figure below to see the effects of childhood obesity.

It’s Up 2 U!

12.5 million American children are obese. By 2010, this number will increase by 20%. Isn’t it time we make a change? Get on board with the Fit Kids Act today at http://iu2u.org/sign.php

Then, check out the four-week Chiquita Family Challenge complete with menus, daily fitness and activity charts , kid-friendly recipes from Chef Robert Rainford and lifestyle tips from Dr. Oz’s HealthCorps at http://iu2u.org/change_family_habits.php.

Learn more at http://iu2u.org/index.php and join their FaceBook group at http://apps.facebook.com/causes/271974

Sue Scheff: Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit

Source: Inhalant.org

Download this valuable kit today and learn more about inhalant use. It is a serious concern today - since most inhalants are found in your household.

The Alliance for Consumer Education launched ITS Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit at a national press conference at the National Press Club in Washington DC. The kit was successfully tested in 6 pilot states across the country. Currently, ACE’s Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit is in all 50 states. Furthermore, the Kit is in its third printing due to high demands.

The Kit is intended for presentations to adult audiences. Specifically parents of elementary and middle school children, so they can talk to their children about the dangers and risks associated with Inhalants. We base the program on data from the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Statistics show that parents talking to their kids about drugs decrease the risk of the kids trying a drug.

The Inhalant Abuse Prevention Kit contains 4 components: the Facilitator’s Guide, a FAQ sheet, an interactive PowerPoint presentation, and a “What Every Parent Needs to Know about Inhalant Abuse” brochure. Additionally, there are 4 printable posters for classroom use, presentations, etc.
Click here for free download.

Sue Scheff: Teen Cell Phone Safety and Sexting

Today’s parents seem to constantly have to keep up with the new concerns with teens today. “Sexting” is a growing and disturbing issue with many parents of teenagers today. What these kids are not realizing is what goes online, stays online and spreads like a virus. Teens today don’t think about college admissions or potential employers 2-4 years from now. In an instant, a not so flattering photo can arrive in thousands of mailboxes! That is, email boxes. Take the time to talk to your kids about the ramifications this can potentially have on their future.

Source: Good Morning America

Sex easily and quickly integrated itself into the digital age; and now the teen trend of “sexting” — where a user sends sexually explicit images or messages via text on a cell phone — has parents struggling for a way to address the situation.

“We’re seeing 14, 15 and 16-year-olds and up are very commonly sharing naked pictures or sexual pictures of themselves,” said Internet safety expert Parry Aftab, of Wired Safety. “We’re talking about kids who are too young to wear bras who are posing in them, and then topless and then actually engaged in sex or even in masturbation. So we are seeing a lot of kids who are sexually active.”

There’s nothing coy about this 21st century amorous pursuit. Children as young as 12, who aren’t sexually active, are sending explicit, provocative and even pornographic images to their peers.

Click here to ask Internet expert Parry Aftab a question.

Click here for more Internet safety tips from Parry Aftab.

Sue Scheff: Facebook - Taking it Offline

Source: ReputationDefender Blog

Taking it Offline: The Lingering Importance of Face-to-Face Networking in a Digital World

With the rise and blossoming of online networking sites like LinkedIn and ClaimID, many people, especially younger people, are doing the majority of their business networking online. This phenomenon is not anything new, and it has been covered in this blog and elsewhere.

But while it may be easier to sit in front of the computer screen and interact with your peers, it is hard to think that interpersonal relationships can ever be fully fleshed out (if you will) in the digital sphere. Face-to-face networking will never go away. The information on the Internet is not always accurate (although that doesn’t mean it isn’t relevant, according to Google’s algorithms), and there is a lot to be said for looking someone in the eyes.

Today people should try to balance their “new school” digital networking with the “old school” tried and true methods. The approach will literally double the amount of chances a person has to make an impact with a potential employer, and the effort required to do so is not unreasonable (point of fact, until a few years the “old school” method was the only game in town).LinkedIn and other popular business networking sites thrive because they offer an alternative to actually speaking with a fellow networker. The information you put in the profile becomes the equivalent of a hand shake and a greeting. Thus, a user profile, for business purposes, should be looked at as an opportunity to distinguish yourself as someone others want to know and be connected to.There are small and effective steps one can take to achieve this. Focus on brevity. 100 words is enough to grab someone’s attention and establish a positive image. If done correctly, a LinkedIn profile can, for practical purposes, be the difference between just another interview and a job offer. Conversely, a poorly written profile can have you knocked out of the running before you even get started.

Many employers look at LinkedIn as a sort of research tool. A resume can only say so much about a person, and employers are always looking to find out the little bits about a potential employee that are not immediately apparent. This fact has had disastrous consequences for some people whose Facebook and MySpace profiles contain otherwise unflattering images/language/etc. We’ve blogged that story here more than once.

Online business networking profiles are still just a piece of the puzzle, though. A successful blend of the old and the new networking techniques will counteract the deficiencies inherent in both approaches. A human touch in the new digital landscape goes a long way towards maintaining awareness and crafting image, while drawing in more localized business and opening channels previously untapped.

Sue Scheff: Teens and Safe Driving

Source: Safe Teen Driving Club

There's an epidemic in the US that's taking the lives of our youngsters. Driving fatalities are the number one cause of death among youngsters age 15 to 20. Driving crashes surpass suicide, homicide and all other causes. Over 300,000 teens are admitted to hospital ER's each year -- many with life-changing injuries. Among licensed drivers, young people have the highest fatal crash rate of any age group. What's more distressing, teens at age 16 are twice as likely to die in fatal car crashes as 18 to 19 year old teens. This is largely due to their youth and lack of experience behind the wheel.

We know your life is busy. We're here to give you the support, help, information and services you need to keep your youngster safe...in a quick, easy-to-use format.

Parents tell us they're concerned about issues like these...

Is my youngster ready to drive?
Driving safety - how to avoid accidents
Setting realistic and effective driving rules
How to pay for driver's ed
Is driver's ed enough?
Sharing the cost of driving with your teen
Risky driving behaviors
Laws in your state
Insurance costs and issues
Safety of the car she drives
Auto maintenance and repair
Legal issues in case of a crash
Safe Teen Driving Club is the source you can rely on to help you keep your youngster safe.

Get the Answers You Want &
Solutions That Work for Your Family
Sign-up is Free!

Sign up and get access to...

Innovative Products & Services that give parents the ability to manage and affect the driving behavior of their teens. These include...

Immediate notification to your cell phone or email when your teen exceeds agreed upon driving limits. Mom and Dad become virtual passengers in the vehicle, able to monitor, help and control young drivers as they gain in maturity and experience.
Notification of driving incidents involving your teen. Parents can put the eyes of thousands of other motorists to work, and hear their compliments or complaints about your teen's driving.
Documented proof of teen driving behavior. See exactly where your teen has been, at what speed he or she has been driving in superb detail including dates, times, street addresses and more.
Roadside assistance for your teen and the entire family. There's no need to leave your youngster stranded on the roadside. You can give them 24 x 7 x 365 coverage anywhere in the USA or Canada.
Affordable and accessible legal services to help in the event of a traffic incident. A team of 20,000 attorneys, covering all 50 states, are standing by to defend you and your teen. They have all contracted to provide their professional services at rates reduced as much as 65 percent below market-based attorney fees.
Safe Teen Driving Pledge that allows you to document driving rules with your son or daughter.

Support, information and expert guidance on giving your teen the safest possible teen driving experience...

The Safe Teen Driving Club Newsletter, featuring the latest safety tips, in-depth articles, new product information and advice from experts...all to help you keep your teen safe. Every issue contains a feature article you can use. Recent issues focus on "How to Choose a Safe Car for Your Teen," "Unsafe Driving Behaviors to Watch for with your Teen." Real world advice and guidance. You'll also get special offers and discounts on services and products...legislative news from across the nation that affects you and your teen...and much more.
Hot Topics that keep you abreast of laws that affect you and your teen
Information you can use: Parent-teen driving agreements, links to Graduated Driver Licensing laws in all 50 states, industry information on teen driving issues and much more.

Insight and guidance from our Professional Board of Advisors. Everything from parenting issues related to teen driving to legal issues affecting your family.

Sue Scheff - Hazing and Teen Violence

Dr. Susan Lipkins is a leading expert on preventing hazing and helping people understand the dangers of this type of violence. After watching her on What Would You Do last night, I was shocked at how some people felt this behavior was amusing. I think parents need to learn more about this horrible behavior and learn how it can potentially effect someone you love.
Visit Dr. Susan Lipkins website and learn more.

Visit the warning signs here.

What is Hazing? Source: Inside Hazing

What: The Basics

WHAT IS HAZING?

Hazing is a process, based on a tradition that is used by groups to discipline and to maintain a hierarchy (i.e., a pecking order). Regardless of consent, the rituals require individuals to engage in activities that are physically and psychologically stressful.

These activities can be humiliating, demeaning, intimidating, and exhausting, all of which results in physical and/or emotional discomfort. Hazing is about group dynamics and proving one's worthiness to become a member of the specific group.

Sue Scheff: New Book Details Comprehensive Plan To Deal Effectively with Kids with ADHD

March 4, 2009

For Immediate Release
Contact: Michele Robinson
HWM Communications
301-530-1845
Mrobinson48@earthlink.net

New Book Details Comprehensive Plan
To Deal Effectively with Kids with ADHD

School Success for Kids With ADHD, published this month by Prufrock Press, is a new resource that offers parents and teachers the latest information to support the total child at school, at home and in social situations. If parents have only one book to read about ADHD, this is it.

Written by three Washington, D.C. experts in child psychology and education, School Success for Kids With ADHD offers a 12-point plan–a wrap around approach—that includes parents, teachers, physicians and school counselors in supporting the child or teenager with ADHD.

School Success for Kids With ADHD sorts out the current confusion over ADHD medications by providing the latest information about which medications works best. Because 34 percent of Americans now use alternative or complementary medical therapies, the authors include the latest information about diet and stress management.

The book is organized so that no matter where you are as a parent–first diagnosed, veteran or skeptic—you can open the book and find your place. School Success for Kids With ADHD has been described as “one stop” reading about kids with ADHD because all information presented is updated and comprehensive.

The book walks the reader through the steps to develop a comprehensive plan about what services are needed to support a student with ADHD. The book’s authors strongly believe that the more information that parents and educators have, they better equipped they are to make decisions.

Topics covered include recognizing the causes and types of attention deficits and how they appear in the school context, requesting school evaluations and diagnoses, understanding the laws regarding students with special needs, advocating for these students in the school environment, and coaching students with attention deficits to success.

The authors also include a brief overview of research and medical perspectives on attention deficits, strategies used by teachers of children with ADHD, and helpful tools for parents and teachers to employ, such as homework checklists and self-advocacy charts.

School Success for Kids With ADHD is now available at Border’s, your local bookstore
or from Prufrock Press Inc., (800) 998-2208; www.prufrock.com .

About the authors

Stephan M. Silverman, Ph.D., served as a school psychologist for 30 years, specializing in the treatment and instruction of children with attention deficit disorders and learning disabilities. He is the coauthor of the best-selling School Success for Kids With Asperger’s Syndrome.

Jacqueline S. Iseman, Ph.D., runs a private practice specializing in treating children and adolescents in Washington, DC. Her areas of expertise include working with children, adolescents, and families providing psychotherapy, consultations, and assessment.

Sue Jeweler, a retired teacher, spent her 30-year career working with children in the Washington, DC area. She is the coauthor of the best-selling Smart Kids With Learning Difficulties.

Parents Universal Reosource Experts - Talking to Teens

I hear all the time how parents can’t talk to their teens, or should we say, can’t get our teens to listen. In many situations it is how we as parents approach our teens. It seems like a game, but the end result is worth it. Opening up the lines of communication can be critical in today’s teen generation. Here is a great tip list from Shoulder to Shoulder.

Source: Shoulder to Shoulder

When talking with teens, keep the following in mind:

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE APPROACH.

Don’t blast teens with “20 questions” when they first walk in the door. Catch them when they are genuinely ready to talk. However, you may have to create that moment by going out for ice cream, taking a bike ride or working on a project together.

If you’re upset with your teen, you can’t solve a problem effectively. Give yourself some time to cool down before addressing the issue.

Keep the situation in perspective. It’s normal for teens to push the boundaries. Let them experience how to question what they see, and to develop skills in reasoning with you. That way, they will learn to think for themselves to deal with peer pressure and other teen issues.

ARE YOU READY TO TALK?

Avoid telling teens “this is how it’s going to be.” Be respectful by asking for their perspective of the situation - and really listen to them. Try to find a solution together.

Pose your questions as open-ended questions instead of yes-no questions.

Don’t accept “I don’t know” as a response. Instead try, “Tell me how you see it.”

Tell a joke or humorous story to relieve a tense situation, but don’t make fun of teens. Their self-esteem can be fragile.

Don’t solve problems for them. Our teens will not be living with us forever. To let them grow, we should look for opportunities for them to make their own decisions.

Get right to the point and be clear about your concerns. Explain why you feel the way you do, and then describe what you want or need in the future. Be ready to listen to what your teen needs, too.

If you already know the answer, don’t ask the question. For example, if you clearly disapprove of your teen’s outfit, don’t ask, “What are you wearing?!” Instead, you might try, “I’m concerned about that outfit. It’s revealing and I don’t want others to get the wrong idea about you. Please choose something else.”

Teens know they can wear down most adults with sheer repetition and persistence. When a discussion has reached the “wheel spinning” point, end it. To continue is to ask for trouble, as frustration may cause things to be said that we’ll regret.

Listen up. If teens see us as adults that will not listen to them, they will stop talking to us. Force yourself to listen. If necessary, count to 100 before responding and avoid giving unwanted advice or lecturing.

Tell them often how much you love them.

You’ll need Adobe Acrobat Reader to view the following PDF version of this section. If you don’t already have the program, you can download it for free here.

Talking with teens.pdf

Sue Scheff - Teen Intervention

Are you struggling with debating whether you need to look for outside help with your troubled teenager?

Are you ready to make some very difficult decisions? Are you at your wit’s end?

Do you believe you need teen intervention from outside resources? Struggling financially and emotionally with this decision?

Learn More - Click Here.

Sue Scheff: Middle School Survival Kit

Featuring real kids talking about real issues, this Emmy award-winning Connect With Kids series helps inspire communication between parents and their children about the challenges, pressures and influences every pre-teen faces. Making it easier to talk to your Middle-Schooler about today’s tough issues, this Middle School Survival Kit contains programs covering these timely topics: Internet Dangers, Drugs & Alcohol, Dating & Sex, Anxiety & Depression.

Sue Scheff - Carolina Springs Academy, Darrington Academy, Midwest Academy, Teen Help - Learn More

Take a moment to read my experiences - http://www.aparentstruestory.com/ as well as my book where you can hear my daughter's experiences for the first time - order today at http://www.witsendbook.com/ .

Choosing a program is not only a huge emotional decision, it is a major financial decision - do your homework! Learn from my mistakes - Gain from my knowledge!

Academy of Ivy Ridge, NY (withdrew their affiliation with WWASPS)
Canyon View Park, MT
Camas Ranch, MT
Carolina Springs Academy, SC
Cross Creek Programs, UT (Cross Creek Center and Cross Creek Manor)
Darrington Academy, GA
Help My Teen, UT (Adolescent Services Adolescent Placement) Promotes and markets these programs.
Gulf Coast Academy, MS (allegedly recently closed)
Horizon Academy, NV
Lisa Irvin (Helpmyteen)
Lifelines Family Services, UT (Promotes and markets these programs) Jane Hawley
Majestic Ranch, UT
Midwest Academy, IA (Brian Viafanua, formerly the Director of Paradise Cove as shown on Primetime, is the current Director here)
Parent Teen Guide (Promotes and markets these programs)
Pillars of Hope, Costa Rica
Pine View Christian Academy (Borders FL, AL, MS)
Reality Trek, UT
Red River Academy, LA (Borders TX)
Respect Academy, NV
Royal Gorge Academy, CO (closed)
Sky View Academy, NV (allegedly closed?)
Spring Creek Lodge, MT (allegedly they closed?)
Teen Help, UT (Promotes and markets these programs)
Teens In Crisis
Tranquility Bay, Jamaica
Oceanside, CA - rumors of short term program there.
There is a rumor a new program in Mexico is opening - parents need to be aware of this.

There are good programs - take your time to do your research - for helpful hints in finding safe alternatives visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Depressed Teens and New Years Resolution by Gary Nelson

Teens suffering from depression and related illnesses like anxiety and bipolar disorder find it very difficult to even make New Year’s resolutions, let alone keep them. Depression and its relatives very quickly tend to overwhelm teens. When faced with the idea of change depressed teens often see a mountain so huge that it seemingly can never be climbed or chiseled slowly into a molehill. They quickly feel overwhelmed and often respond with some thought or statement like, “It’s too big. I’ll never be able to do it… so why bother to even try.” The teen then falls deeper into their pit of despair. One of the first things that the depression “steals” from the depressed teen is their ability to take large, seemingly impossible tasks and break them into smaller, manageable pieces. Most of us take this ability for granted and practice this making of mountains into manageable molehills everyday. Depressed teens want to change. They want healing. They just don’t see a way over the mountain. The depression has them hog-tied, leaving the teens looking like they’re just lazy and don’t “want” to try. These depressed teens need help, not judgement. They need hope. For more information on this and other aspects of teen depression check out my new book, A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression. If you have a teen who is struggling you might also want to check out Sue Scheff’s new book, Wit’s End.

Sue Scheff: ADHD/ODD - Parenting The Defiant Teen

As a mom of an ADHD son, I remember the adolescent years - they were not always the easiest. ADDitude Magazine has some great parenting tips, ideas and answers to help parents today. Years ago I don’t recall as much information was available to us.

Source: ADDitude Magazine

ADHD behavior issues often partner with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) — making discipline a challenge. Try these strategies for parents of ADD kids.

Every parent of a child with attention deficit disorder knows what it’s like to deal with ADHD behavior problems — sometimes a child lashes out or refuses to comply with even the most benign request. But about half of all parents who have children with live with severe behavior problems and discipline challenges on an almost daily basis.

That’s because 40 percent of children with ADHD also develop oppositional defiant disorder, a condition marked by chronic aggression, frequent outbursts, and a tendency to argue, ignore requests, and engage in intentionally annoying behavior.

How bad can it get? Consider these real-life children diagnosed with both ADHD and ODD:
A 4-year-old who gleefully annoys her parents by blasting the TV at top volume as soon she wakes up.

A 7-year-old who shouts “No” to every request and who showers his parents with verbal abuse.
An 11-year-old who punches a hole in the wall and then physically assaults his mother.

“I call them tiny terrors,” says Douglas Riley, Ph.D., author of The Defiant Child and a child psychologist in Newport News, Virginia. “These children are most comfortable when they’re in the middle of a conflict. As soon as you begin arguing with them, you’re on their turf. They keep throwing out the bait, and their parents keep taking it — until finally the parents end up with the kid in family therapy, wondering where they’ve gone wrong.”

The strain of dealing with an oppositional child affects the entire family. The toll on the marital relationship can be especially severe. In part, this is because friends and relatives tend to blame the behavior on ‘bad parenting.’ Inconsistent discipline may play a role in the development of ODD, but is rarely the sole cause. The unfortunate reality is that discipline strategies that work with normal children simply don’t work with ODD kids.

Fortunately, psychologists have developed effective behavior therapy for reining in even the most defiant child. It’s not always easy, but it can be done — typically with the help of specialized psychotherapy.

Looking for links

No one knows why so many kids with ADHD exhibit oppositional behavior. In many cases, however, oppositional behavior seems to be a manifestation of ADHD-related impulsivity.
“Many ADHD kids who are diagnosed with ODD are really showing oppositional characteristics by default,” says Houston-based child psychologist Carol Brady, Ph.D. “They misbehave not because they’re intentionally oppositional, but because they can’t control their impulses.”
Another view is that oppositional behavior is simply a way for kids to cope with the frustration and emotional pain associated with having ADHD.

“When under stress — whether it’s because they have ADHD or their parents are getting divorced — a certain percentage of kids externalize the anxiety and depression they’re feeling,” says Larry Silver, M.D., a psychiatrist at Georgetown University Medical School in Washington, D.C. “Everything becomes everyone else’s fault, and the child doesn’t take responsibility for anything that goes wrong.”

Riley agrees. “Children with ADHD know from a young age that they’re different from other kids,” he says. “They see themselves as getting in more trouble, and in some cases may have more difficulty mastering academic work — often despite an above-average intellect. So instead of feeling stupid, their defense is to feel cool. They hone their oppositional attitude.”

About half of all preschoolers diagnosed with ODD outgrow the problem by age 8. Older kids with ODD are less likely to outgrow it. And left untreated, oppositional behavior can evolve into conduct disorder, an even more serious behavioral problem marked by physical violence, stealing, running away from home, fire-setting, and other highly destructive and often illegal behaviors.

Getting treatment

Any child with ADHD who exhibits signs of oppositional behavior needs appropriate treatment. The first step is to make sure that the child’s ADHD is under control. “Since oppositional behavior is often related to stress,” says Silver, “you have to address the source of the stress — the ADHD symptoms — before turning to behavioral issues.”

Says Riley, “If a kid is so impulsive or distracted that he can’t focus on the therapies we use to treat oppositional behavior,” he says, “he isn’t going to get very far. And for many ADHD kids with oppositional behavior, the stimulant medications are a kind of miracle. A lot of the bad behavior simply drops off.”

But ADHD medication is seldom all that’s needed to control oppositional behavior. If a child exhibits only mild or infrequent oppositional behavior, do-it-yourself behavior-modification techniques (see Getting Your Child to Behave) may well do the trick. But if the oppositional behavior is severe enough to disrupt life at home or school, it’s best to consult a family therapist trained in childhood behavioral problems.

Continue reading this article…

Sue Scheff - Impossible Kids? Possible Answers?

In 1989 FAUS produced a 21-minute videotape called "Impossible Kids? Possible Answers!" It was designed as an introduction to the Feingold Program and includes interviews of families on the program, plus footage of Dr. Feingold.This film has now been converted to a DVD format. To keep the cost low, the disk comes in a paper envelope, not a plastic jewel case.

Since the filming, a few things have changed: The children in the film have grown up, the FAUS Foodlist & Shopping Guide is much larger, and there are new studies. But aside from that, little has changed -- families are still baffled by their child's behavior problems and many are still searching for answers, and finding them in the Feingold Program.

Order Here.